If you’re looking for simple, effective and actionable calm techniques for moms to help you be a more patient, fun, spontaneous and grounded parent, you’ve come to the right place. Every time you yell and take your frustration out on your children, you are encouraging them to act in a similar manner. You are provoking them to act out, talk back and relay the same behavior onto you and to others. No parent wants to be the monster in their child’s life. We don’t yell and scream intentionally. We just lose ourselves in the moment and think there is no other way to control the situation than yelling and screaming.
Finding what triggers your anger will teach you how to be a calm mom when they happen again so take note of the things that set you off. When your kids are always hungry it can make us feel like we aren’t adequately caring for them. Anger can also arise because your kids are bored. They can make you feel like you aren’t giving them enough attention which can feel like a kick in the gut. Especially when you’re trying to get that to-do list done that happens to be a mile long. Whether you’re trying to be more purposeful with your time, need tips to teach you how to control your anger and be more patient with your kids or just want some new perspective on motherhood and the need for self-care, this collection of calming techniques for moms is a great place to start.
Tips For Being A Calmer Mom
Examine Your Home Dynamic
The next time your child gets angry, pay attention. Some of the things your children do may simply be childish behavior, but if you look closely, you may find you see a bit of your own behavior reflecting back at you. Our children mimic us every chance they get, and if we want to teach them how to conduct themselves appropriately, we must first take ownership of our own negative tendencies. Angry moms raise angry kids who grow up to be angry adults, so if we want to break the cycle, we must start with ourselves first.
Once you establish a routine with your children, it is easy to see patterns when it comes to stressful moments in the household. Plan ahead to avoid those moments where you feel like pulling your hair out. For example, if dinner time is often stressful while you’re juggling preparing a meal and caring for your little ones, consider doing some meal prep when you have a helping hand to eliminate the stress and more importantly, to keep you and your children calm.
Set Your Rules
This is a really big deal and something I didn’t really do early on. The sooner your establish your household rules the better off you will be as a parent. Our rules are on our refrigerator so that when a rule is broken we can immediately point to it and say look here, you’ve broken Rule No. 2, keep your hands and feet to yourself. When you are confident about the rules in your house, you are confident in enforcing those rules.
Don’t Set Too Many Rules
Children are still learning and experimenting. We can’t expect them to never make mistakes. To stay calm, stick to no more than five rules at a time and make those the important ones. Let little infractions go by with teachable moments rather than discipline.
Take a Deep Breath
Never ever punish when angry. Just don’t. Heed this advice and you’ll always be a calm parent. Separate the kids and then walk away. Step outside. Or, go to your room and close the door and lay on your bed until you are calm. Run down to the basement. Put on some music in your ear buds. Something. Anything. Just breathe and calm down before you even attempt to react.
Understand Their Emotions
Once the child has calmed down, you can acknowledge their underlying intentions, “you really wanted to play with that toy didn’t you?” Show empathy to your child’s feelings by getting on their level. They will most likely communicate back to you “mommy I’m really tired” or “I’m really hungry.”
Talk Calmly But Firmly
“I understand that you are tired, but you should tell me that instead of throwing your toys.” Get on their level, make eye contact, talk in a soft but firm manner. Your child is more likely to listen to a calm voice than an angry one. Show that you are serious (try not to smile no matter how cute and innocent they look) so they know that what they did is not okay.
Stop Taking Things Personally
When your children misbehave, it can be easy to take it personally. Disobedience and childish behaviors can grate on our nerves and cause us to react negatively, but we must rise above and demonstrate healthy and positive ways in which to react to and interact with others. Stop viewing your child’s behaviors as a personal attack on you and lashing out in retaliation. Remind yourself that you are the adult in the relationship with your children, and that the way you respond to their behaviors will mold how they respond to others. Take a deep breath, count to ten, go for a walk, meditate, or do whatever it is you need to do to calm down and handle the situation appropriately.
When tensions are high and your toddler is throwing a tantrum, it is not always easy to keep your calm. However, offering your children some space to work out their anger helps to stifle the storm that is brewing inside of you. Take a breather and step into another room to give everyone in the household the space they need.
Learn How To Say No
If your anger stems from a constant feeling of overwhelm, do yourself a favor and learn how to say NO. As much as we want to be everything to everyone, the truth is that we are only human. There are only so many hours in the day and we need to be better about setting boundaries with our time. And as difficult as it is to say NO to the people we love.
Set An Example
The next time you see bad behavior on the rise, step in before it even happens. Guide your child by showing them how to do things properly. Take their plate away from them before they throw their food on the floor. Set their dolls down, gently dress them and brush their hair. Show your child how to care for their toys and play gently. They’re more likely to remember how to play properly in the future.
When your children are frustrating the bejeezus out of you, clean. Do those things that you need to do and work off the frustrations by cleaning. This is the only time that I stress the importance of cleaning. It gives you something productive to do instead of micromanaging the children. While your at it, think of the chores they will have to do as a result of their bad behavior. Some call it an uh-oh chore. I just call it a chore to help fill my bucket back up.
Increase Your Sleep
Even the most put-together mom can’t do it all. You need ample sleep to weather the day of mommy hood. Instead of staying up late to make those cupcakes or vacuum the house, make your sleep a top priority so you are more energized to cross those items off your to-do list the next day.
Each of us has phrases that give us comfort, sayings that we can say over and over again in our heads until the difficult moment passes. Here are some calm parenting mantras:
- Ride this wave, mom
- Respond with grace
- I am their mom
- Choose kindness
- I am here for you
- Observe with an open heart
- Act with love
- Choose joy
- See how little they are
Choose a mantra that works for you. Maybe you’d like a clear mantra that’s to the point, or perhaps you prefer one that has a deeper meaning.