If you have ever wondered how to break up with someone you love, this article is for you.
Love is an unbelievably strange emotion. It often sneaks up on us when we least expect it. The power he possesses is unlike anything we have ever experienced. We will turn away from friends, family, and even ourselves to be with someone we love.
There are different levels of affection that we are going to experience throughout life. When we were young, we might like someone so much that we would cry at night and beg Heaven to point them our way. We would give anything to make them feel the same way about us as we feel about them.
Then there are people who really like us, but we do not like them. Or we find someone we dated for a while at school and perhaps even fall in love with.
Then when summer rolls around and they go off to do their thing and/otherwise you’re yours, feelings change and a breakup ensues. Some date through highschool and do not hit hard until one or both go off to college.
Many times these are just the growing pains of affection that we must undergo in life. For some, they’re nothing more than our habit of being together. More like a habit than real love. Some stay together for many years or even endlessly, but those school love affairs barely last.
That’s not to say that breaking up was any easier. It really hurts no matter how much or how little actual love is involved. It’s virtually like this as we become older too. Just as adults, there’s often more time available to spend together, so the habit is harder to break.
There’s also far more at stake when we fall in love or break up as adults. It means more to us. We do not normally live with our parents or have friends with whom we spend most of our time.
After you have been with someone for a while, it can be easy to feel lonely and depressed without them around. Again, even after dealing with hurt, it is often the mental habits that we hold back the most.
How To Break Up With Someone You Love
Whether it was real love or simply a habit that you may confuse with love, breaking up with someone is painful. There is an emotional tear in your heart that feels like it won’t ever heal. At the same time you feel rejected and as if something is wrong with you, or something you did that caused the breakup.
Yes, having someone you love and care about tell you that they no longer want to be with you, are better off with someone else and they hope you understand is all the worst feelings in the world!
So, after knowing how hard it’s to hear yourself; how could you probably do it yourself? To be the one to do the breaking up?
How can you break up with someone – even although you wish you did not have to? It’s not like you can just go out for a smoke and never come back! Although some have done just that. You can also’t leave a note saying “goodbye.” Again, many have done just that.
Breaking up with someone takes courage but it also takes a little tact. Jumping out the door and never coming back is wrong and those who do this are jerks! Leaving notes, disconnecting text messages, and disconnecting Facebook posts are all distasteful, cowardly, and cruel!
I can assure you of one thing. If that’s your idea of a breakup, one day you are going to feel the same stupid way that you do. Karma every day looks for such a jerk to deal with. Don’t be that jerk!
So with that being said: How do you break up with someone in a way that does not make you look like a jerk, they look like a fool, is as easy as possible but still gets your point across and makes it final? One of the most vital things is if you will break up with someone, plan ahead and pick the right time and place.
The last thing you want to do is break up with someone at a time and place that leaves them with no way out, or feel like crap at the wrong time.
So avoid breaking up at funerals (duh), weddings, office parties, at clubs, birthday parties, your parents’ house, while on vacation and having to travel hours home, or on your way to work when other people are leaving. had to go all day without an opportunity to get an appropriate explanation.
Timing is extremely important and can often make a breakup go a lot smoother than you thought it would, or go horribly wrong if you pick the wrong time and place. Don’t drop out on visiting your friends and they may already be uncomfortable.
At some point we have all been there. A friend sets you up with someone they know because they thought “You two would hit it off.” You’re on a date and even although they look pretty good, they are not precisely what you are attempting to find. The date is going well but you are personally not interested in the other.
Or maybe you want to give them another chance and go out again. But still, it appears to be it won’t ever work out between the two of you. You go home assuming that you will not be receiving any more invitations for one more date.
However, the next day or later in the week you see text messages on your phone or missed calls from people asking you to “txt bk”, or “Call me”. You already know in your heart that you’re not going back with this person again. So, are you not answering them, texting back or calling them back?
True, some people go this route and hope that the person gets the lead and stops calling or texting… ultimately. You get the point across without really telling them you are not interested and avoid breaking their heart – right? Wrong!
When you text or call someone and they do not return your calls or text you back, it is often not only painful but also makes you a bit aggravated. You know their phone is working. So the only real point getting to you is that this person is ignoring you totally and is unquestionably a class A jerk!
That’s not how you actually want people to look is it? You do not want someone going around telling everybody that you are a jerk who’s too cowardly to just say what you mean.
Instead, you should expect people to think highly of you and even if it does not work out between you, they can at least tell that you are being honest and forthright with them.
So yeah, you should return their calls or text back explaining that you will call or see them as soon as you have time. Don’t leave them hanging or wondering what is going on.
Now this doesn’t imply you must send them a text saying how you feel. While texting and instant messaging are now acceptable forms of communication, it is still better for your image and their respect for you to do so in person or at least over the phone in a voice call.
When you talk to them, be honest and open but in a kind and tactful way. Simply explain to them that you’re attempting to find a certain type of person to be in a relationship with. Even although they would be perfect in any other circumstance and you are happy to be with them, you just do not think it is the right time or the right fit for this moment.
Tell them that you really feel that you should not be stretching this any further and want to end it now before any attachments form and someone gets their heart broken more down the road.
You do not have to be ugly or painful. Just be honest and to the point. It’s much easier to end a new relationship early on, when you realize it is not going to work, than to tie it in the hope that it’s going to get better or to avoid hurting someone.
After Dating for a While
If you have been dating someone for a couple of month, you may really be in a dating relationship and may not even realize it. You may see it as just having fun but other people may see it differently. So watch out about the signals you send to people you are just meeting and “having a good time.”
Now if you have been dating for a few months and even sleepovers at one another’s places every now and then, then you are wise enough to know that you are in a relationship. The level has increased quite a bit and when you feel like it has run its course and you should move on further, then the only really good and honorable way to break up is in person.
Going over the phone just is not going to cut it for a relationship that has lasted more than a few dates. Don’t just gather your things and run away! Let them know you have something to discuss and do it in private.
Again, simply explain to them that you enjoyed being together and really like the person, but you find the relationship too serious and think it is time for the two of you to go your separate ways.
You do not have to list all the annoying things they do this annoy you. Honesty is by far the best. Just not being so honest that it hurts their feelings.
You may want to consider reasons why you want to end it. Imagine if there were other people in the room and they were listening to you explain why you wanted to break up with that person.
Will they understand your reasoning? Or will you look like the biggest fool, greedy jerk on the planet? If the answer is greedy jerk, then you might want to think of some other, more respectable reason that really makes sense without you looking like a fool here.
A good idea here is to have one of your closest friends or relatives pretend to be the person you are breaking up with. Sit them down and pretend to break up with them. Try a few different tactics and your reasons and see how they sound. Practice and ensure this is the route you choose.
If the reason is serious, like drug use, alcohol abuse, their affair or never keeping a commitment, then these are all valid reasons and should be used without worrying about you being seen as the bad person. The main thing is not to let it last another minute after you realize that this relationship is not for you.
Chances are it not only seldom gets better, but often gets worse as time goes on and other people realize that you will undergo anything anyway. Then you become a doormat and can look forward to a tragic relationship.
You also want to be polite when you break up. We mean try to keep all emotions to a minimum. Avoid getting too excited and happy to finish.
You also do not want to cry and look as if you were forced to break up. This can send the wrong message and make the person think they still have an opportunity.
Try to be somber and serious. You want them to understand that you breaking up with them is something that has to be done for one of you to be happy. While you really hope you do not have to break their heart or hurt their feelings, it is something that has to occur and it is best that you do it now before it gets any more serious than before.
Don’t be hostile or react to something that makes you unburden the person. You will find that sometimes you meet people who do not handle breakups well. They may cry, scream or even shout swear words while babbling and babbling.
Just because they get overly emotional or become hostile doesn’t suggest you should be too. Try your best to stay calm and not react to their emotions. If it gets too intense and you feel threatened, then you really should leave or call someone.
Lots of times people do not really understand the signals they’re sending while dating. Oftentimes, our own words and actions lead others to believe that this is more serious than we would like.
Saying things like “I love you,” even when you do not, will all the time make the person believe that you love them because this is what you believe.
You want to be decisive too. The worst thing you will ever do is use someone’s feelings for you as a security net. Don’t just break up with them because you want to go out with someone else, and then after that does not work, call someone else and ask them out again. This is so wrong.
If you have the guts to officially break up with someone and risk hurting their feelings, then you absolutely do not have to take on the responsibility of starting over.
That’s right, we all make this mistake when we think someone is not right for us, break up, and then after thinking about it, wish we hadn’t. This is why if you’re planning to break up with someone, think twice about the reasons before you do.
It could be that you just had a bad day, or your emotions got carried away and you got scared. It is feasible that the problem is not so much with other people as it’s with YOU.
Another thing that can get you screwed in the long run is breaking up too many times.
If you are good at breaking up and starting dating someone, realizing you do not like them, breaking up and starting this pattern, you may have, or develop, your own commitment issues over time. This is also not a good thing.
You may find yourself starting or entering a relationship and really attempting to find reasons to end it. If breaking up becomes too easy for you, you may find yourself continually breaking up and never finding precisely “what you’re looking for.”
I want to thank you for taking the time to read my article on how to break up with someone you love. I actually hope that its content has been of good help to you.