How To Cope When Things Aren’t Going Well: Top 10 Ways
This new article will show you everything you need to know about how to cope when things aren’t going well.
Let’s be honest: there are days when life doesn’t feel like the vibrant, thrilling journey we once imagined. Instead, it can feel gray, overwhelming, and lonely—like you’re carrying a weight that nobody else can see. Sure, you’re doing your best to get through each day, but deep down, something feels… off.
We’re not going to pretend we know precisely what you’re going through. But what we can do is help you make sense of that heaviness. Why does life feel so hard sometimes? And more importantly—what can you do about it?
Let’s break it down.
How To Cope When Things Aren’t Going Well:
1. Your Brain Is Wired to Notice the Bad Stuff
Have you ever had a day where ten things went right and one thing went wrong—but all you can consider is that one thing? That’s not just you being negative. That’s your brain doing its thing.
It’s called negativity bias—a natural tendency to focus more on bad experiences than good ones. It’s an evolutionary survival trick: our ancestors needed to stay alert to danger in order to survive, so our brains still prioritize threats and problems, even if they’re just awkward emails or bad hair days.
Imagine this: You give a presentation at work. Most people nod along, a few even compliment you afterward. But one person frowns the entire time. That single frown? It haunts you. You replay it in your head all day. This is the negativity bias in action.
Recognizing this bias doesn’t magically make the emotions go away, but it helps you see that your brain might be skewing the full picture. Start making a habit of noticing what did go well, even if it feels small.
2. You’re Comparing Your Life to a Highlight Reel
Scrolling through social media, it’s easy to feel like everybody else has their life perfectly together. The promotions, the vacations, the picture-perfect relationships—it can feel like you’re the only one who’s stuck, struggling, or simply… behind.
But here’s the reality: you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.
Let’s say you’re 28 and still trying to determine what career path really makes sense for you. Meanwhile, someone you went to school with just bought a house and posted a selfie with a “CEO” mug. You might instantly think, “I’m so far behind.”
Pause there. Ask yourself:
- “Do I even want what they have?”
- “What sacrifices might they be making that I’m not seeing?”
- “What am I doing right now that I’m proud of?”
Perspective is everything. Your timeline doesn’t must look like anyone else’s.
3. You’re Running on Empty
Burnout isn’t just about being tired—it’s a deep, soul-level exhaustion that makes everything feel heavier than it should. When you’re juggling school, work, chores, errands, and perhaps even caregiving, your emotional bandwidth can vanish fast.
It’s not weakness—it’s math. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
If you’re continuously putting out fires and never taking a moment to rest or recharge, life will inevitably start to feel dull and draining. Try carving out even tiny moments of recovery—an hour offline, a walk in fresh air, or doing something fully unproductive on purpose. These aren’t luxuries—they’re fuel.
4. Your Relationships Affect More Than You Realize
The people closest to you—partners, family, roommates, friends—can be your greatest source of strength or stress. If you’re dealing with conflict, emotional distance, or even just feeling unseen in your relationships, it’s natural for that tension to spill into how you view your entire life.
Maybe you and your partner keep having the same fight over and over. Or your parents never seem to understand you, no matter how hard you try to explain. These situations don’t just cause stress—they can make you feel like your whole life is broken.
If this resonates, give yourself permission to seek support—whether it’s talking to a friend, journaling, or seeing a therapist. Healing in relationships can unlock lots of lightness in other parts of your life too.
So… What Now?
If life feels like it sucks right now, that doesn’t mean it all the time will. You’re not broken, lazy, or ungrateful. You’re human, navigating a complex world with a brain that sometimes gets in its own way.
Start small:
- Write down one thing each day that went okay. Not incredible—just okay.
- Limit time on social media if it all the time leaves you feeling drained.
- Carve out space to rest—even if it’s just five minutes in your car with the radio off.
- Talk to someone. You don’t must carry this all alone.
Things won’t change overnight. But little by little, the colour starts coming back.
5. Money Worries Can Cloud Everything
Let’s face it—money is among the biggest stressors in modern life. Whether you’re barely making rent, juggling credit card debt, or simply trying to stretch your paycheck to cover groceries, financial pressure can be crushing. It’s not just about dollars and cents; it’s about security, stability, and even self-worth.
Picture this: you’re staring at your online banking app, debating whether to pay the electrical bill or buy groceries. That kind of decision isn’t just stressful—it’s exhausting. Over time, it can make you feel stuck, anxious, and like no matter how hard you work, you’re all the time behind.
Even small expenses—like a surprise car repair or a birthday gift—can send you spiraling when your finances are tight. It becomes harder to plan for the future, enjoy the present, or even just breathe easy. If money is consistently on your mind, it makes sense that everything else feels heavier too.
6. Big Life Changes Take a Toll—Even the Good Ones
Not all stress comes from bad things. In fact, some of the most thrilling milestones in life can be surprisingly overwhelming. Think about starting a new job, moving to a new city, having a baby, or even graduating from school. These are all things you might want, but that doesn’t mean they’re easy to undergo.
Let’s say you finally land that dream job you’ve been chasing for years. Everyone’s congratulating you, but inside you’re nervous, lost, maybe even a little regretful. Change—no matter how positive—shakes up your routines, relationships, and sense of control. And that disruption can leave you feeling more anxious than joyful.
Now, add in additional painful changes—like the end of a long relationship, losing your home, or watching a close friendship fade away. These experiences can hit your emotional core and linger long after the dust settles.
It’s okay if these transitions feel heavier than expected. Growth often comes with growing pains.
7. When Life Throws You Curveballs You Never Asked For
Sometimes life just blindsides you with things you didn’t see coming and absolutely didn’t sign up for. The death of a loved one, a terrifying medical diagnosis, losing a job out of the blue—these moments can shake the ground beneath you.
Imagine waking up one day and getting a phone call that changes everything. Or sitting in a hospital waiting room, not knowing what’s next. That kind of uncertainty or loss can make it hard to find joy in even the little things. Your brain and body go into survival mode, and normal routines abruptly feel meaningless.
In times like these, having support can make an enormous difference. A trusted friend who’ll listen without judging. A therapist who can help you process the grief or fear. Even just someone to sit with you in silence. You don’t must carry it alone.
8. Mental Health Struggles Are Real—and Often Invisible
Sometimes, life doesn’t feel good—not because of external events—but because your own brain is turning against you. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other mental health conditions can make everything feel heavier, even when things “look fine” on the outside.
It might look like this: you wake up feeling tired, even after a full night’s sleep. You can’t bring yourself to reply to messages. You feel distant from people you love. Or you keep thinking, “Why can’t I just be happy?” when nothing specific seems wrong.
Mental sickness isn’t just a bad mood or a few off days—it’s an ongoing struggle that can color your entire experience of life. And it’s not something you can “snap out of.” But it is something you can get support for.
How to Actually Start Feeling Better (Even When Life Feels Like a Lot)
1. Face Your Problems—One Piece at a Time
When something in your life feels like an enormous, unsolvable mess—like a fight with your partner, money issues, or work burnout—it’s easy to close down. But ignoring the problem generally just makes it worse. The key is to break it down into bite-sized pieces.
Let’s say you and your partner are stuck in a cycle of arguments. Instead of trying to solve everything in one exhausting conversation, focus on one topic at a time. Use phrases like “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You always…”—it opens the door for real connection, not defensiveness.
Or maybe your bank account is barely breathing and you’ve got a bill looming. Instead of panicking, start by determining precisely how much you owe and how long you’ve got. Then look at your budget: can you cut anything? Pick up a side gig? Ask for a payment plan? Progress—even slow progress—builds confidence and reduces fear.
Planning for obstacles is also critical. Ask yourself: What might trip me up here, and how will I respond when it does? Resilience isn’t about never falling—it’s about knowing how you’ll get back up.
2. Get Familiar With the Way Your Brain Twists Things
Sometimes, the biggest bully in your life is your own inner voice. It might tell you that you’re failing, that people secretly don’t like you, or that you’ll never get things right. Often, these thoughts don’t reflect reality—they reflect well-worn patterns.
Here are a few examples:
- All-or-nothing thinking: “I didn’t stick to my workout plan today, so clearly I’m lazy and unmotivated.”
- Fortune-telling: “I just know the job interview is going to be a disaster.”
- Minimizing success: “Sure, I finished the project, but it wasn’t that big of a deal.”
- Personalizing: “My friend seemed distant today. I must’ve done something wrong.”
- Labeling: “I messed up that one email—I’m such an idiot.”
Catching these thoughts in the moment takes practice, but once you spot them, you can challenge them. Ask yourself: What’s the evidence? What would I say if a friend had this thought?
3. Don’t Fight Every Negative Thought—Acknowledge It, Then Let It Go
Here’s the thing: trying to eliminate every single negative thought is exhausting—and honestly, impossible. Instead, try noticing them without judgment, like clouds passing by in the sky.
One technique that helps: say “stop” to yourself—out loud or in your head—when you catch a spiraling thought. Then instantly switch gears. Picture something calming: the sound of waves, the feel of warm sun on your skin, the quiet of a forest trail. Tap into your senses. What do you see? Smell? Hear?
This technique doesn’t erase stress, but it gives you space—a moment to breathe and reset rather than getting caught in the mental storm.
4. Train Your Brain to See the Good (Yes, Even Now)
Positive thinking isn’t about pretending everything is ideal—it’s about deliberately balancing your inner dialogue so you don’t drown in negativity.
Here are a few small ways to get started:
- Flip the script: Instead of “I can’t believe I bombed that,” try “I learned a lot from this, and I’ll be better next time.”
- Play the “best friend” test: If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself. Be kind in your self-talk. You deserve that.
- Learn to laugh (particularly at yourself): Spilled coffee on your shirt before a meeting? Yeah, it sucks. But sometimes finding the humor in small disasters helps loosen their grip on you.
- Surround yourself with good people: Notice how you feel after spending time with someone. If you leave feeling heavier, more anxious, or drained, that’s worth paying attention to. Seek out people who listen, encourage, and make you feel lighter—not smaller.
You can even try a fast daily gratitude practice. It doesn’t must be deep or life-changing. Just jot down three things that made your day better—your pet being goofy, a very good cup of coffee, a song you forgot you loved. Your brain will start to notice more of the nice when you train it to look.
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5. Talk to Yourself the Way You’d Talk to Someone You Love
When life hits hard, our inner dialogue can turn cruel. You might call yourself lazy, weak, or a failure without even noticing it. But what if you spoke to yourself the way you’d speak to your best friend?
Next time you’re feeling low, try this: put your hand on your heart, take a breath, and say something easy but kind like, “I’m doing the best I can today, and that’s enough.” Or try writing yourself a letter as if you were comforting someone else. No judgment, no fixing—just validation, support, and kindness.
And don’t underestimate the power of a small act of comfort. Take a warm shower, stretch your body gently, listen to music that feels like a hug, or walk slowly through your neighborhood and see what’s blooming.
6. Use Positive Affirmations—But Make Them Yours
Affirmations aren’t magic words—but they can gently redirect your inner dialogue when it’s gone off the rails. The key is to choose affirmations that feel genuine to you. Not forced, not cheesy—just kind, grounding reminders.
Instead of saying something generic like “I’m amazing,” try:
- “I’m learning to trust myself.”
- “I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy.”
- “This moment is hard, but I’ve survived worse.”
- “My value isn’t measured by productivity.”
You can say them out loud, write them on sticky notes, make them your phone wallpaper—whatever works. The repetition, over time, starts to sink in.
7. Learn What You Can Control—and Let the Rest Go
When everything feels chaotic, it helps to separate what’s in your hands from what isn’t. You can literally draw two circles on a page: one labeled “In My Control,” the other “Out of My Control.”
In your control: how you respond to stress, how much sleep you get, who you spend time with, what boundaries you set.
Out of your control: how someone else feels about you, the job you didn’t get, the past.
This exercise can be weirdly freeing. You realize that while you can’t control every storm, you can steer your own ship.
8. Find Something You’re Grateful For—Even If It’s Tiny
Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is okay—it’s about choosing to notice the good that still exists alongside the hard.
Maybe it’s how your dog wags their tail when you come home. Or the warmth of sunlight through your window. Or the stranger who held the door open when your hands were full.
Try writing down one or two things each day. Not big, impressive stuff—just small moments that brought you a little peace, connection, or joy. Over time, this trains your brain to see more of what’s going right.
9. Make Space for Joyful, Pointless Things
We live in a world that glorifies hustle—but your soul needs play. When’s the last time you did something simply because it made you smile?
Maybe you love playing board games, baking cookies, doodling in a sketchbook, or dancing like a fool in your room. Do more of that. Schedule it into your week like a non-negotiable.
And don’t be afraid to try something new. Take a pottery class. Try birdwatching. Build a LEGO set. Being a beginner again can be wildly freeing—and fun.
10. Give Yourself Something to Look Forward To
Hope often begins with anticipation. That feeling of “Ooh, I can’t wait for that thing!” can carry you through even the roughest weeks.
So plan something. Big or small. Maybe it’s brunch with a friend. A weekend trip to the mountains. A solo museum day. A night where you do nothing but rewatch your favourite comfort show with snacks.
Put it on the calendar. Book it. Ask the person. Commit. When life feels overwhelming, knowing something good is coming can help you keep going.
Here’s a concise summary of how to cope when things aren’t going well, based on everything we’ve discussed:
Summary:
When life gets overwhelming, it’s important to respond with self-compassion, practical steps, and small shifts in perspective. Here are ten grounded ways to start feeling more in control and hopeful:
- Be Kind to Yourself
Talk to yourself like you would a close friend. Replace harsh inner criticism with empathy and encouragement. A warm gesture or easy act of comfort—like a walk or warm drink—can go a long way. - Use Affirmations That Resonate
Repeat positive, realistic statements that align with your experience. Examples: “I’m doing my best,” “This moment will pass,” or “I am learning to trust myself.” - Focus on What You Can Control
List what’s within your power vs. what’s not. This helps reduce anxiety and reminds you where your energy can really make a difference. - Practice Gratitude—Even for the Small Stuff
Take note of little joys—a favourite song, a kind smile, sunlight on your face. Small positives can balance out tough moments over time. - Make Time for Hobbies and Play
Engage in activities that bring you joy or peace. Whether it’s knitting, drawing, gaming, or sports, prioritize what makes you feel like you again. - Plan Something to Look Forward To
Give yourself a future moment to be enthusiastic about, even if it’s something easy like a movie night, a friend hangout, or a weekend getaway. - Break Down Big Problems
Instead of feeling paralyzed by major stressors (like finances or relationship tension), tackle them in smaller, manageable steps. - Identify Negative Thought Patterns
Notice when your thoughts lean into distortion (like catastrophizing or “all-or-nothing” thinking). Gently challenge those thoughts and reframe them when possible. - Accept and Pause Negative Thoughts
Use techniques like visualizing a red “stop” sign or saying “calm” while imagining a peaceful scene. It helps you regain control over spiraling thoughts. - Build a Positive Support System
Surround yourself with people who bring out your best. Share how you’re feeling with someone you trust—it helps to not carry it all alone.
Coping doesn’t mean pretending everything’s okay—it means responding to pain with care, curiosity, and courage. Start small, be patient, and remember that even tiny shifts in your habits and thoughts can lead to big changes over time.
