How To Improve Communication With Family Members: Complete Guide

If you’re attempting to find some strategies on how to improve communication with members of the family, then you’ll love this article.

How to improve family communication skills?

Firstly, let’s discuss about how to be a leader of your child. Being a good leader is not being a dick, or an asshole. Not the commanding type or the unclear one. Every person is different, some have a natural tendency to lead, others not so much.

But like virtually everything, it can be taught and learnt. once you understand some basic principles to effective leadership you understand how people will react to the same thing said in a different way. People are emotional beings and once you understand that, virtually everybody would like to work with you.

Ask questions rather than giving direct orders

So my mother had the tendency to not ask me something but is giving me direct orders, for example: I want you to go and fix my bike, or we’re going to do this. The only thing this does is making me feel uncomfortable and not really wanting to help her out.

There are two consequences to this. First of all, I didn’t do the things that she was “asking” for. and second I started to be irritated by her this didn’t really improve our bond.

So rather than saying “clean out the dishwasher, son” you can say “hey son, can you clean out the dishwasher please”? So ask yourself the questions: What are you more motivated by if it were you who had to clean out the dishwasher? Which of the two are you doing? And how am I able to improve this?

This is effective for little kids, Teenagers and adults. Nobody likes to be ordered around or do you?

Use Encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

There are times when your kids will make a mistake, now is the time to make the fault seem easy to correct and use encouragement. This way she or he will stay motivated or be even more motivated to tackle the problem.

When you do the opposite for example your child loves to sing, and it isn’t sounding that great, don’t tell them to stop singing because they never will be good. That is the worst thing to say to anyone.

This discourages her or him and that way they never will be good for sure. Use encouragement to help encourage to become great. If there’s a problem tell them you believe that it’s easily corrected with some work, they don’t must worry.

Make your child happy about doing the thing you suggest

There will be times when your child won’t be happy to do the thing you suggest, like mowing the lawn or doing the dishes. When this time comes it’s your job to make your child happy about doing the thing that you suggest.

For example your child has to mow the lawn every week. But because she or he doesn’t like the chore it is going to be poorly done, after you have already asked it six times.

One way to make your child happy about mowing the lawn is make him a deal. For example tell him that he can have one extra piece of chocolate when he finishes the lawn and one extra for trimming the edges. But, for each spot he missed you take away one piece of chocolate. You don’t have to use chocolate obviously, dollars or extra screen time will also do.

Another way to make your child more happy to do anything is explain the benefits she or he will have for doing the thing you want them to do.

Suggesting that your daughter will learn harder at school is not done by yelling and screaming, but by encouragement and explaining the why. If you understand why you must do something to accomplish a goal, it is going to be way easier to stay focussed, motivated and most of the time feel great about the thing you do.

Give a fine reputation to live up to

When your child is not really acting the way you want her or him to be acting there’s this possibility to solve the problem. Give her or him a good reputation to live up to.

How do you mean? You may ask. Well giving your child a reputation to live up to for example, at a birthday celebration and your child doesn’t want to wish everybody a happy birthday, how can you fix this?

Tell her or him that everybody knows that they’re a good mannered boy or girl and expect them to shake hands. This way they feel they’ve to live up to the expectations of the other people and they can’t let them down, can they?

Here I gave you a few leadership skills that can help you improve the relationship with your child, they’re happier because you now understand that yelling, screaming, forcing or begging them to do something is not going to help.

Basic communication skills

Basic communication skills are needed in all areas of your life, but so many people don’t know them or simply ignore them. This is sad because there’s so much more to gain from a relationship with a friend, lover, son, daughter, mother, father or even the cashier at the supermarket when you follow these easy communication skills.

This is also very important in family life for sure, all day every day a family communicates, or at least they should be. But when you don’t apply these easy principles there is certain to be a little bit of struggle between one another.

Be Sincerely interested in the other person

When I first hear of this I didn’t think much of it. Because I assumed I was interested in the other person. But time and time again the conversations I had with people ended rather shortly. They were rather boring too, about the weather or the latest news. Never about someones passions or interests. Sure they would mention it but I didn’t ask them for more.

Once I realised this and focused more on the other person my conversations became much more interesting. I learnt a LOT more and will even have a conversation with my sister for more than 3 minutes. Once I focused on what the other person might have an interest in, and knows far more about the subject than I knows.

I become interested. I want to know all and everything about it, what it does for the person and why she or he likes it so much. After this ‘breakthrough’ I virtually never don’t have anything to discuss. In fact I don’t even must talk. I just listen and ask.

Now what I’m trying to say here is that you must become Genuinely interested in your kids, your spouse or your partner (1). This will greatly enhance your bond and you’ll love the results it will offer you.

Give honest and sincere appreciation

I know it is difficult, or sometimes it feels a little strange to give appreciation. But giving a compliment to a person gives him the best positive feeling in the world. There are cases where people were on the edge of committing suicide.

But because one stranger said something positive to them they felt so appreciated they totally turned their life around. All because of one easy compliment or sign of
appreciation.

People accomplish so much more when there’s someone who sincerely believes in them. Your kids, your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband or friend all of them need someone that believes in them.

It is so much easier when you know you aren’t the only one who believes in you, we all have had this problem at least once or twice. When someone struggles with something be their coach and tell them you believe they can fix it, if they really believe it is feasible.

Some people only criticise, this only discourses the other person. And you want the other person to accomplish their dream do you? Even if you think it isn’t possible, most of the time how much do you really know about the subject. If you know something about the subject. Only then you have the right to give them advise.

This last paragraph leads me to the next topic.

Don’t criticise, condemn or complain

This sounds so apparent. Too apparent many would say. But when you’re overhearing conversations in the locker room at the gym the couple next to you in a restaurant or a lady on the phone in the train. Almost all the time they say something bad a couple of person, a subject or a company. It is very easy to tell people something what happened and you weren’t wrong. You are never wrong, 99 out of a hundred people never criticise themselves.

Now that you’re thinking of this. How many times are you criticising everything else but yourself?

And how many times do you criticise yourself?

It’s all the time easier to complaint about something what someone else did, or how your kids friends are bad influence. But how does this criticising help? Is it magically going to solve the problems there are? Off course not! You must stop blaming others, and begin criticising yourself. Find a solution to the problem and move on.

Sure, this is less complicated said than done. But once you have in mind what you are doing and think it isn’t helping you or your family. Try and stop criticising. It’s not worth your time.

Talk in the other persons interests.

When you want to take your daughter away for some quality time together, but she never seems to have an interest in your offer. Maybe you start to force her to go with you to the mall. Or you guys never even go out. Maybe it’s time to ask her what it’s she wants to do. Tell her you guys will have an amazing time, or tell her that she gets a new pair of jeans. (Only when she needs them)

To make people do what you want them to do, they’ve to want to do it themselves as well. If not, what’s the benefit of going out. The other person sits there bored and isn’t engaging in conversation. This is in no way shape or form any fun for you and the other person.

Do not discuss what you want out of what it’s that you want to do. Talk about what they get for joining you in the activity. Let’s say you want to play basketball. Don’t tell your group of friends. I want to play basketball. Because I want to get better and be a professional one day. Instead try: “Hey guys, let’s play basketball. It’s fun to play and it’s an amazing workout either. After that we can go and do something relaxing to rest.

The second offer sounds much more appealing, right? This way you get what you want, to play basketball. And your friends want to play too. That leads to a far more interesting game.

So when you want to do something with someone try to talk in their way of thinking. Tell them the benefits of doing the thing you suggest and you have way more people willing to follow.

Establishing a good family culture

Establishing a good family culture takes work, consideration and persistence. You and your family must take regular action to establish and keep this culture alive. Why would you even bother to do this then? You may ask. Because this is a crucial part in raising kids. Creating a good bond with one another and helping your family work together as a team and not individually or even competitive.

There are all the time easy routes or routines that you create when there’s not put any consideration or thought in establishing a good family culture. But these aren’t all the time for the best.

For example you and your family watch TV every night. This is not really bad when you take time in a different part of the day to creating a stronger bond with one another. but the sad part is there are very few family’s who take the time to actively create a good family culture. And remember all family’s have their culture established. But fortunately change is feasible and all habits can get replaced with other habits.

I will explain different steps you can take to create a good culture for you and your family. They may sound cheesy sometimes but they will improve your ability to bond and connect on a deeper level. because you spend time together and discuss problems and difficulties, and obviously have some fun too!

Family meetings

This is a important step to take to first begin with and second to have your family organise things, discuss things you undergo and have fun. This is the first step in creating a culture. Solve problems and release stress between family members. And building confidence, trust and bringing your family closer together.

1. Arrange a meeting every week.

Make it a precedence to have this meeting. It will take from half an hour to however long you make it. Have your family come together at the dining table for example first time for like half an hour. Explain what the meeting is and then start a brief session.

Start slowly and then you can move it up for however long you feel is required. It is important that somebody writes down the important stuff, this way nobody can forget or has to depend on their memory to remember the specifics that have been told.

2. Buy one monthly calendar and write everything meeting, appointment, deadline or other important stuff from every member of the family on it.

This is not the part where you organise other plans, this will come later.

I know it is simple to wander off and begin organising other stuff, but this comes later because sometimes doesn’t regard a selected member of the family and that makes the process boring and dull. Just ask everybody to write down what they’ve planned and update it on the calendar. This way you can walk to the calendar and see what every member of the family is up to.

3. Teaching.

This is a step you don’t have to take, but I found it pretty interesting. Every week one member of the family prepares a small speech a couple of topic and explains what they learned to the rest of the family.

When the speech is finished the other family members can give some feedback on what they learned and how the speech can be improved next time. So this is a great way for kids to start having public speaking skills and each week they will learn something new about diverse subjects.

4. Review your family.

Ask every member of the family to give their opinion about something that’s going good in the family. Once you finished that you can ask every member if there are some improvements to be made. It is important to not tell negative things only in the way that it can be improved.

So don’t tell your daughter for example to stop being so messy. This is negative and is somewhat attacking. You can just simply ask if she wants to clean up her stuff once she is finished using them. That way she won’t feel attacked.

5. Now is the time to ask if anyone needs some help with something.

Emotional help after your sons first heartbreak or someone might need some help with their computer or something. Maybe a bicycle needs some fixing or a light has to get replaced.

6. Now you can organise to make plans to go fishing with your son.

Ask when they can go to the dentist. Or even organise the vacation. But be thoughtful that you don’t take to long when not everyone seems to be involved. Maybe organise your plans then when the meeting is over.

7. Have some fun, blow of some steam.

Go for a family walk, play a board game. This creates a nice ending to the meeting and will make each one feel nice and relaxed.

Creating a family mission statement

A family mission statement is a sort of guideline on what you want to accomplish as a family, how you look at different area’s of life and how your family responds in hard times. The process of making a mission statement will improve the family culture too.

The process of making the family mission statement is more important than the actual product itself. This is because you guys will focus on what is important to you, why it’s important and how you can accomplish this by working together as a team. It is technically all ideas of your family combined as a description of the meaning of the family. It’s goals, standards, values and norms.

So, how do you create one?

1. Organise a meeting to create this mission statement.

It can be a special meeting too, like in the family vacation or when you guys go to a nice restaurant. The important part is that you have something to write on and each family member is ready to speak freely and uninterrupted. It’s important that each member has an equal right to say something. Not that the loudest members answers are the final answers.

2. Ask questions that are important to the family.

Questions that don’t come regularly to mind. Questions like, what’s the meaning of this family? How can we make this family the best family ever? What makes you want to come home? Is there something you don’t like about this family? How do we handle the finances (This might not be the best question for the children to answer) and other questions like this.

3. Create a list of the core values of the family.

And what it’s purpose is. A worth is something that’s so important that you’re going to all the time stay with it. Even if there are negative consequences that you must deal with. Or must punish your kids when they don’t follow the ‘rules’. An example could be. When I see a individual that needs help, I will help her or him.

It’s not important how long the list will be. When you can all the time shorten the final statement and keep this list as some sort of additional. Or when it comes all the way down to it some values are just not that important to your family to have it written down in the mission statement. It’s important to note that each family’s mission statement is different. So don’t create one that will be approved by other people when you don’t really value the values.

4. Create a list of massive ideas that is essential to your family.

These ideas are values, goals, or phrases that encourage your family. Make the list around ten ideas long. If your family values less or more that’s no problem either obviously. So take the lists of everything you created and or other inspirational phrases. And mark which lines your family finds important. This process is more of a organisational one for when you really must write the mission statement. This leads me to.

5. Write your family mission statement.

It’s important that you keep it short and easy. As you must refer to it many times you don’t want to read a whole book of phrases, values and statements. There are many ways to write one. maybe your family likes bullet points, or they might prefer a poem. Some people even like to write it as a song. It’s up to you or your family to come up with something you prefer.

6. Print out your family mission statement and hang it in a special place in the house.

A place you come across many times so you can all the time see and refer back to the lines you created to never forget what is important. It’s important that you all the time refer back to it when there’s a problem for example, There is a way to fix it by using the guidelines of the mission statement. But there are all the time some shifts in the believes and the values of your family.

So it might be a good idea to create a meeting once a year to maybe change some lines or even make a total new one. And like the law, it’s all the time changing so the mission statement shouldn’t be a one time job and forget about it. You should live by it and alter it as needed to keep respecting your current values and goals.

Creating family traditions

There are different kinds of traditions, every family has traditions already. Some watch tv while eating dinner, in other families every member is focused on him or herself by all the time sitting on their devices. (This is one thing I can still improve on) So what are family traditions that can bring your family together and how can you create them?

Well first of all there are categories of traditions, some are daily and others yearly and everything in the middle. One weekly tradition is the weekly family meeting we discussed before.

And you can make the family mission statement (2) a yearly tradition to discus around christmas or an other date that you can look forward to. Or you can make a selected month the family mission statement month you can have one short meeting every week to discuss the statement and improve it.

It’s important that you don’t over do it. Do not make ten different family traditions have the quality time together once and then never return and do it again. So keep it easy and stick to one or two on every category and when the family is prepared add to it later. Or not.

Daily traditions

These should be short and easy, something like a family dinner or a group hug. It’s important that these traditions aren’t to much of a hassle to complete daily. Because well they don’t become daily traditions. There are different kind of traditions and it’s important that it has meaning to the entire family.

Weekly traditions

As I said earlier the family meeting is one weekly tradition. But you can all the time add more, something like movie night, or a walk around the park with the dog. It’s fully up to you and you family. Again don’t pick to much because when you do you aren’t able to live up to all of them.

Monthly traditions

Monthly traditions could get the entire family together and have them write down all the goals they want to accomplish this month. Next time you come together you can review the goals how you achieved them or not. What you can improve upon and what the new goals of the month are. This stimulates personal growth and by telling others what your goals are you are more likely to accomplish the goals because of social pressure.

Another tradition could be you can take one of your kids to do something fun every month. It’s their choice to pick something and then you can have some quality one on one time with your kids.

If there aren’t any good traditions here you can all the time make some up or find some inspiration on the internet.

Other traditions

Other traditions that don’t come across as often are a cool way to make a activity more memorable.

Here are some events that you can make up traditions for.

• Birthdays
• New years eve
• Weddings
• Christmas
• School
• And many more events that may be of importance to you and your family

Family traditions are an amazing way to create lasting memories and teach kids the importance of your own identity. Because the traditions you do are most certainly not the traditions that other people have. It will create a sense of security and most of all bring you guys together in becoming the best and most loving family in your environment.

Conclusion

I hope this article was able to help you to create a vision on the importance of a positive family culture and how you can improve communication in your family.

The next step is to take action and start to create your own traditions have your first meeting and begin to write your family mission statement. But it’s important to know that the process is most significant and you should all the time try to enjoy every single bit every little improvement and watch back on how you have grown as a family as a whole.