How To Stop Being People Pleaser: 10 Helpful Practices
If you have ever wondered how to stop being a nice person, this article is for you.
Do you tend to put the needs of others before your own? Maybe you are worried about being unpopular. Maybe you were brought up to put other people first. Whatever the reason, if you practice, learning to prioritize your needs will come naturally.
Saying “no” to some requests rather than “yes” to everything can help you adapt more quickly. Set some boundaries, speak openly, and let others know you value their opinion. But most significantly, schedule time for self-care.
In this post, we’ll cover everything you need to know about taking initiative and developing the ability to put yourself above others.
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser:
1. Learn to feel snug saying no.
Maintain your own boundaries and respect yourself. Start saying “no” if you regularly say “yes” to requests, even if you do not want to or if doing so would stress you out. Self-satisfied people may fear disappointing others, which is rooted in an absence of self-confidence. Remind yourself that you’re astonishing; people like you for you, not for what you can do for them. You do not need to provide justifications or try to argue to avoid it. Just say “no” or “thank you.”
Start with the little things, firmly say “no” to the little things. For example, if you are too tired to walk the dog, but your partner wants to, say “No. Please take the dog for a walk at night.”
You could also act out a scenario with your friend to practice saying “no.” Have your friend ask you to do certain things, then answer “no” to each of their requests. Every time you say “no”, pay attention to how you feel.
2. Present an empathetic and understanding argument.
Without bullying or insulting people, show your needs. Some people confuse being assertive with being impolite, but you can express your needs in a kind and helpful way. When expressing empathy for one more person and their needs, be firm when you find that you can’t help.
Say, “I realize how important it is to you to have a great birthday party. I wish I could provide it for you, but I’m not in a position to do so right now.
3. Postpone your answer.
You have more time to consider your options if you wait before answering. You can say “yes”, “no”, or “maybe” when someone asks you or tells you to do something. While you may feel obligated to answer in the affirmative, you do not have to. Take a moment to consider that you have choices about how to answer when someone asks you a question.
Say to yourself, for example: “I have the choice to say yes and stay or go home and say no” if someone asks me to work late on a project.
4. Make your needs a top precedence.
Everyone is subject to your goals and responsibilities. It may be easier to decide what to accept and what to reject if you know your priorities. When faced with a difficult choice1), decide what is most vital to you and why. If you are not sure, list your needs (or opportunities) and prioritize them.
For example, you might prioritize caring for a sick dog over going to a friend’s party.
5. Speak up for what you want.
When it comes to achieving your goals, be proactive. Speaking your mind is appropriate and does not must mean making demands. It’s an enormous improvement just to let others know you are a person with your own preferences. Speak up if you regularly try to please others by doing what they want, rather than expressing your own preferences.
Let’s say you want Mexican next time your friend chooses Italian, but you prefer Mexican food.
Don’t be afraid to express your choice, even if you agree with him. For example: “I prefer other films, but I will also watch this one.”
Stay on the defensive. Without getting angry or blaming anyone, state your demands. Be as firm, calm, firm, and polite as you can.
6. Set a time limit for helping others.
If you decide to help someone, at least set a time limit. Set a time limit if you conform to help someone. You do not have to defend your boundaries or justify why you must leave. State your boundaries and let them be.
For example, say: “I can help you in the evening between six and nine” if someone asks you to help mow the lawn.
7. When they aren’t going to cross the border, help someone else.
Understand when and where you’ll and won’t tolerate something. Your values and limits are similar. They help you set a comfort level. When someone asks you for something, you do not at all times must give it right away. Let yourself consider it, then speak up. This will offer you time to think it through, assess your level of tension, and examine potential conflicts.
Say “no” if the request requires an immediate response. Once you say yes, you are powerless.
Don’t use this as an excuse not to say no. Simply decline the offer if you must or want to, without keeping anyone else waiting.
Take some time to consider your rules and rights if you are not sure of your boundaries. There may be physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual boundaries.
8. Find ways to compromise.
When you cannot please everybody, including yourself, try to find a way. Great strategy to listen to, stay within your limits (2), and to find common ground with someone is to make concessions. Before you express your own desires, pay attention to what other people want. Find a solution that meets the needs of both parties.
If you want to go out, but your friend wants to go shopping, for example, start with one activity before moving on to another.
9. Increase your sense of self-worth.
You will stand up for what you want if you feel good about yourself. Your worth as a person is not determined by what other people think of you or their approval of you. It only comes from you. Stay surrounded by positive people and bear in mind of your self-esteem issues. Stop criticizing yourself for your mistakes and pay attention to how you talk to yourself, such as labeling yourself as an unlikable person or a loser.
Treat yourself the way you would a close friend and learn from your failures. Be kind, compassionate, and understanding.
Watch for any tendency to please others. This is normally a sign of low self-esteem.
10. Stop blaming other people.
After all, you only must worry about pleasing yourself. You only need your own approval. Some people just cannot be happy, even if you try your best. To get people to like or approve of you, you can’t change their perception or emotions. That choice must be made by someone else.
You may not have the ability to do this if your goal is to gain a circle of friends or prove your kindness to your grandmother.
Thanks for reading this article on how to stop being a fun person and I actually hope you take action on my advice.
I wish you good luck and that I hope that its content has been a good help to you.