This new article will show you everything you need to know about accepting your partner’s past.
Accepting your partner’s history is a vital aspect of any relationship, even if it is not all the time easy. Whether you are consumed by previous relationships or worried about your partner’s mistakes, try to remain neutral.
It’s important to remember that everybody has baggage and you cannot change the past.
Give him praise if there are not any significant warning signs, such as cheating on all of his ex-girlfriends or a history of violence.
Focus on how your partner treats you now, and focus on building a trusting relationship with them.
How to Accept Your Partner’s Past
1. Recognize when undesirable thoughts arise.
Learn to recognize compulsive, black-and-white thoughts and stop yourself before jumping to hasty conclusions. It’s one thing to wonder about your partner’s history or feel emotional about them.
However, try to notice when your mind wanders or when you exaggerate past events.
Anger, unhappiness, and jealousy are natural emotions. It’s normal to feel upset or cry over something your partner has done in the past, for example. If you are jealous or worried about your ex-spouse, it cannot hurt to discuss it with the one you love.
Try not to obsess over your partner’s past relationships, follow their ex on social media, or dwell on a small mistake they made years ago.
2. Break down all-or-nothing irrational thinking.
Question distracting or illogical ideas as soon as they become apparent to you. Remind yourself to stay neutral, check the facts and dispel unfounded fears.
Let’s say you have a suspicion that your partner is still in love with their ex, but you haven’t any evidence to support that.
Whether you start focusing on your jealousy, assume the worst about your partner, or compulsively scroll through your ex’s social media accounts, ask yourself if you are acting rationally.
If you have any suspicions, it is better to tell someone else than to convince yourself of the worst-case scenario.
3. Seek the recommendation of a trusted family member or friend.
Tell loved ones how you feel and ask for their opinion. They can help you determine if the problem is solely a matter of perception or a real cause for concern.
Trust someone objective and remember that anything you say about your partner can influence what that person thinks of you.
4. If you are not sure how to deal with your partner’s story, see a therapist.
An individual or couples therapist can help you come to terms with your partner’s story or to manage your emotions.
He can provide a new perspective on your relationship and, if necessary, address larger trust issues.
5. Think about what you have done in the past.
Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Remind yourself that nobody is ideal and that everybody has a story.
Make a note of your ex, mistakes you made, and any other incidents similar to aspects of your ex’s story that bothered you.
Consider how you would feel if your partner asked if you still have feelings for your ex, or cursed you for a mistake ten years ago. You might think it is unfair if they hold you responsible for the things you did before you met.
6. Remember that you can’t change what has happened in the past.
You should not expect your partner to have a perfectly clean record because they cannot erase their history.
In a partnership, everybody carries baggage with them. It’s up to you to decide whether you can tolerate your partner’s history or not.
It’s okay if you need time to process your partner’s history. But holding a grudge against them or bringing up their mistakes during an argument is not fair.
It’s better to end things than to continuously accuse your partner if they’ve done something bad that you can’t tolerate.
7. Don’t judge your partner solely on his or her past transgressions.
Consider who your current partner is and how they treat you. Instead of highlighting specific actions, try to look at the bigger picture and look for broader trends.
Consider how you would feel if your partner judged you based on just one mistake.
Suppose your partner confesses to you that he cheated on you with one of his exes for a long time and he still regrets it. That does not imply you should be suspicious of him.
8. Determine whether something they’ve done is a reason for breaking up or not.
It’s a good idea to set boundaries (1), even if everybody makes mistakes. It’s one thing to make even the slightest mistake.
But serious warning signs, such as a long-term history of bad behavior or serious misconduct, needn’t be accepted.
Let’s say your partner has cheated on each of their previous relationships. This is a questionable pattern of behavior, and it is worth being skeptical about his willingness to commit.
Let’s say he was previously arrested for violence, and you’ve got seen him punch walls, slam doors, and destroy property. This is a potentially violent pattern of behavior.
Yelling at you, threatening bodily harm, and trying to isolate you from the people you love are other examples of abusive behavior. If you notice any of these red marks, you need to end the relationship.
If the person loses their cool but is not directing their anger at you and you want to discuss it, you still need to set ground rules.
They should get help from a psychologist to deal with their anger.
9. Express your emotions in a calm and polite way.
In the midst of an argument, do not bring up anything from their story. When you are both calm and pleased, invite them to talk to you.
Tell them that something is bothering you and you want to tell them the reality about it.
10. Pay attention to what they say.
Give them compliments and listen to what they’ve to say. They may mention superficial things about something they do, but you do not get the full story.
Avoid making assumptions about what is going on in their head and do not jump to conclusions.
11. Listen to what others must say, but go with your gut feeling.
Remember that explanations aren’t the same as reasons. It’s one thing if your partner comes up with an evidence that makes sense and places something in the context of his story.
However, if you suspect he’s trying to trick you, trust your instincts.
Suppose your partner has a problem with drugs or alcohol. Explain how he took steps to deal with addiction and how long they have been clean.
Instead of making excuses, their words and actions show that the past does not matter anymore.
12. Be honest with one another, but do not overdo it.
You and your partner should feel comfy being honest with one another as your relationship develops.
Explain to your partner that it is suitable to discuss past experiences, mistakes, and regrets. Encourage honesty, but remember that you haven’t got to divulge every detail a couple of particular topic.
In the bedroom, for example, talking about your likes and dislikes can help you build rapport. However, neither of you need to explain in detail about intimacy with your ex.
Some people do not care about their previous partner’s relationship. Tell your partner that you do not want to hear about their ex if you know you have jealous tendencies (2).
13. Pay attention to how others treat you
Find out if your partner gives you reason to doubt him. Think about how other people behave when you’re together and assess your relationship objectively.
It is more important how he treats you now than how he treated you before he found out who you are.
It’s natural to be wary of trusting other people, particularly if you have been hurt before. When you start to feel suspicious or jealous, tell yourself to stop.
Stay objective and focus on your partner’s current words and behavior.
14. Respect your partner’s privacy.
Never meddle in your partner’s business or read their messages or emails. Think about how you would react if someone violated your privacy.
Instead of spying, discuss your concerns with him if you have reason not to trust him.
While you’ll find evidence of it, approaching them with it will make them feel like you have invaded their privacy.
You will both be defensive and accusatory, and neither of you’ll be capable to have significant discussions with the other person.
Distrust doesn’t necessarily involve deception. Suppose your partner has a history of binge drinking or drug use.
If you have seen him drink heavily or have sudden mood swings, you possibly did not believe them when they claimed that in the past.
15. Discuss with your parents any actions that made you mistrust other people.
Raise your problem in a calm atmosphere. Prepare by thinking about what you want to say and coming up with specific reasons why you do not trust your partner.
Try not to make accusations, but discuss certain behaviors that throw you off balance.
16. As an excuse, try not to worry about memorabilia from your ex.
It does not make sense, for example, to keep a photo of your ex by your bedside. But do not read too much into every recollection of your partner’s past relationships.
Keeping mementos does not imply your partner still loves your ex.
Let’s say your ex made a beautiful picture of your partner’s dog. Keeping this work of art does not imply that other people still have feelings for your ex.
That does not imply that he still wants to be with his ex if he uses his favourite cup to sip his morning coffee.
It’s important to remember that you cannot pretend the past never happened. Even if your partner is nostalgic, they’re still committed to you.
Don’t let the past get in the way of your relationship, so long as he treats you well and you are both happy.
Thank you for reading this article on how to accept your partner’s past and I actually hope you take action on my advice.
I wish you good luck and that I hope that its content has been a good help to you.