In this new article you’ll learn why couples break up.
Falling in love is a magical experience.
Who could have predicted that the total fascination you feel for your partner would one day get replaced by disappointment and tedium?
And why is it that for some lucky couples, this passion and love for one another does not end, only grows stronger?
First of all, let’s bust that myth.
Couples who seem to maintain their love and keenness even after years of marriage are out of luck. What they focus on is what they want, and they work hard to be sure that they get it.
The same way you work hard at your career, is the same way you must work hard for your marriage.
Why Couples Break Up
So, let’s have a look at the reasons that may have brought you to where you are today. Out of affection with your partner, and thinking that your marriage is over.
1. Lack of communication
This is the most common reason why people break up. If a couple does not communicate, it means they do not share much about what is going on in one another’s lives.
The problem is not the absence of communication per se, but the way partners communicate.
Here are the problems related to lack and poor communication between couples.
a) Negative communication
There are four ways to communicate negatively that result in poor communication.
Silent treatment – Instead of solving problems in a mature way, partners punish one another by keeping silent.
The truth is that by ignoring your partner and refusing to talk to them, you achieve absolutely nothing. If anything, what you are doing is slowly destroying the thread that holds your relationship together.
Endure – When you see every statement or question from your partner as an accusation, and you react defensively, then you aren’t communicating with your partner.
Living together becomes a game of who is to blame, and that is not what marriage is all about.
Critics – Nothing kills communication in a marriage faster than constant criticism. Couples forget that no one is ideal and no-one wants their imperfections to be exposed every day.
If you continuously criticize your partner, they start to feel useless and their self-esteem plummets.
Insult – This is how disrespect is manifested towards other people.
If you have negative thoughts about your partner, it starts to show in the way you talk to them. This includes using disrespectful language and behavior towards others.
b) Bad start
This is where partners start a conversation with one another with questions that put one another on the defensive.
For example, a wife might ask her husband as soon as he walks in the house after work, why did not you pay the water bill, what if it gets cut off, what is wrong with you?
The husband instantly became defensive.
c) Not listening
It’s a major issue between couples where one does not feel understood. When people do not give one another their full attention, communication is bound to be fraught with problems because of misunderstandings.
When resolving conflicts, sentences starting with, you all the time, you never etc. never helpful and inaccurate.
More often than not, it is untrue and puts the other person on the defensive. They see your statement as an attack and they react accordingly.
e) Think you know what your partner will say
When people have been married for a number of years, they think that they know one another very well, and can even predict what the other person will say.
It may be so, however, people are gradually changing, including you. When you continuously interrupt your partner, they will withdraw and stop trying to communicate with you.
f) Emotional reactions
If you tend to get out of control when things get heated between you and your partner, it will ultimately lead to poor communication.
This is because, your partner will bear in mind of your reactions, if the subject of conversation gets intense.
2. Lack of personal/individual space
Some couples mistakenly believe they’ve to spend all their time together, every day. They spend so much time together that they forget who they’re outside of the relationship.
Everyone’s identity was forgotten, as the two of them became nearly one person.
Couples think that spending all their time together is an expression or a sign of how much they love one another. Couples who do not give one another space to be themselves tend to:
- Felt unsafe
- Tired of one another
- Jealous or possessive
3. Lack of a solid base
Couples may break up if their union doesn’t have a solid foundation to help them overcome the ups and downs of married life.
Love takes time and in order to be deep and robust, couples need to give themselves time to get to know one another, before jumping into marriage.
Below are some basic examples of bad marriages.
- Fall in love too fast and rush into marriage
- Too much focus on the romantic aspects of marriage such as the proposal and honeymoon
- Interested in someone because of possessions
4. Unmet needs
Couples in a marriage who feel their needs aren’t being met often experience changes in feelings towards their partners.
For example, a husband may feel that his wife is no longer interested in him. A wife may feel that her husband is not helping around the house.
When needs aren’t met, it leads to feelings of disillusionment with the marriage. Couples feel neglected and resentful towards the one person they should love.
In many cases, when needs aren’t met in a marriage, partners often choose to have their needs met elsewhere.
Examples of needs in marriage are:
- Financial security
- Be honest
- Safe environment
- A marriage full of affection and affection
- Kindness and compassion
- Private room
- Honor commitments
All relationships experience difficulties at one time or another. Yet some marriages are unable to endure the strain and stress that adversity brings. They gradually fall in love with one another.
Some of these difficulties include:
•Financial distress – Money is the reason behind the failure of many marriages. One person may be out of work, and the couple may find it difficult to make ends meet.
This creates tension in the marriage to the point that the couple feels that they can no longer stay married.
•Children – Children can cause intolerable strain in a marriage. The couple has divorced and broken up because of kids issues.
Examples of kid problems in marriage include:
- Lack of youngsters
- Challenging kids
- Discipline problems, when two people disagree about how to raise and discipline their kids.
•Disease – Yes, you vowed to love your spouse in illness and in health, but the realities of living with an ill partner can overwhelm even the strongest marriage.
When one partner is sick, the effects are emotional, physical, and even financial.
Illness affects how partners feel about one another. Due to the demands of sickness, feelings can easily change from love to resentment and frustration for the following reasons.
Caregiver burnout – A healthy partner may be emotionally and physically exhausted from caring for a sick partner.
Unmet needs – Due to body image issues or lack of libido, partners may not be capable to have sex with healthy partners.
Withdrawal – Illnesses such as depression involve a sick partner withdrawing. This can cause intolerable tension between partners.
Social life – A couple’s social life is fully disrupted when one person is chronically ill.
family life – Most of the responsibilities in the family fall on a healthy partner. This is particularly true if the couple has kids or kids.
6. Avoid conflict
In an effort to avoid conflict, some couples avoid difficult conversations (1) so as not to rock the boat.
Marital conflict occurs as a result of many events occurring within a certain period of time, which then threaten or damage the relationship.
Unfortunately, some couples deal with conflict by:
- Giving up on others without addressing the problem
- Forcing others, without any discussion to do things their way
- Stop caring and let everybody handle conflict in their own way
7. Let go
Life happens and annoys the person your partner fell in love with. Five years later, you look different than usual. This could be because of having kids, lack of time etc.
Ways a person can disengage include:
- Gain weight
- Shabby dress
- No shaving
- Not eating the right foods
Physical attraction between partners is extremely important, and if one person feels that the other person is not taking care of himself the way he used to, it can lead to a breakup.
After all, part of being in love is feeling passionate and physically drawn to another person.
8. Lack of sex
People are different, and while one person can go weeks without sex and still fall in love with their partner, for somebody else, it is the first step towards falling in love.
Sex is important for marriage (2) which brings people closer, and it’s an expression of affection between two people.
Couples can stop having sex for many reasons, for example
- Difficult pregnancy
- Other difficulties and pressures of life
- Exhausted from the daily grind of making a living
- Health problems
9. Not growing up together
Chances are you are not the same person you were when you got married, x years ago. Neither will your partner.
People change and grow and embrace other life experiences that change them, hopefully for the better.
The problem arises when two people are so blind to one another’s changes that they believe they’re still dealing with the same person.
Alternatively, they ignore one another’s new hobbies and interests, rather than trying to get entangled. The result is that the pair lose touch with one another, as they grow further apart.
10. Too focused on parenting
Maybe one day you look at your partner and it hits you that you only see them as the mother/father of your kids. You no longer love them.
Parenting is rewarding, but time consuming and your relationship risks being forgotten and sidelined.
Unfortunately, just when you feel ready to end your relationship from here you left, you find a partner who is disinterested and resentful.
Too much time has passed.
Thanks for reading this article about why couples break up and I actually hope you take action on my advice. I wish you good luck and that I hope that its content has been a good help to you.