In this new article, you’ll find out how to deal with a breakup.
Breaking up is difficult. They weigh you down emotionally and everybody seems to offer their own suggestions that may sound logical but have a “bridge burning” effect. You think you don’t have any chance in today’s world.
In fact, what happens AFTER a breakup determines whether you have an opportunity of getting back together—even if you did something totally unforgivable, there’s all the time hope. You’re here because you want to get back with your ex and not break things off, right? Don’t listen to your friends or family right now.
Hang out with your friends but avoid talking about the relationship because they will only stick to your side and only say negative things about other people. You’ll see plenty of advice on the internet from people who say “just move on, it’s not wise to go back to someone who dumped you”.
Sounds like people who never learned how to deal with breakups and burned every bridge they ever built. In reality, the second round would have been far better– you can already imagine how it would have been. You’ll hear the following from people:
“Let’s go out, get wasted and hook up with some random people”
“Go to his house and take the bat, destroy their car”
“Go to his mother and father; tell them what a whore/player they are”
“Posting photos on social networking sites of you and someone new pisses you off
“Drunk really, it helps”
“Let’s go to Vegas and take pictures with random girls. Show your ex that you are okay without them.
Did any of the above make you look attractive or make your ex want to come back to you? Hope you answered NO. If your ex sees a photo of you downing a bottle of alcohol in a club setting, they will laugh at you and think they made the right decision to leave.
How to Deal with a Breakup
Your way back with your ex is to become attractive to them again. I don’t just mean physically. I’m not going to pretend to be an attraction expert because I’m not. What I know is if you managed to attract that person before, the chances of you attracting them again are very high. If you neglect the gym, go. Eat healthier because it will make you feel great. Feeling great will contribute to your confidence level.
Rid yourself of negative thoughts about the relationship. Think of your last relationship as a dead relationship. It’s dead and you want to start over with a new one. Can’t start over when you’re still hung up on why you two were last mad at each other. Luckily, I have a tip for you on how to deal with your anger. This is called the “no contact rule”. This is a legitimate method which is why I’m sure you’ve heard of it all over the internet.
Cutting off contact for a month gives you space and time to cool off. It doesn’t even matter what you two do; in about a month, neither of you will care why you broke up in the first place. This is very important and actually the hardest part of getting your ex back. Keep this tip in mind, if you mess up this step your chances will be much lower. If you already messed up, it’s not too late to start TODAY.
After a full month you can text or call. Hopefully you’ve healed yourself emotionally– if not, fake it. Keep the conversation short– 3-5 minutes. That is so
it is important that you stay calm during the whole process.
If your ex says they’re dating someone new, stay calm and say “oh great. Glad to see you found happiness. I believe he is a great person” and adjusted the subject. The goal is to convey that you’re not angry, you are thinking about them, and you aren’t a greedy person. Don’t instantly say, “I was thinking about you” or ask them if they are dating someone. Don’t convey anger or jealousy if they’re dating someone new.
The phone call itself already says that you are thinking about them. Asking if they are dating makes you look desperate. Being cool with them dating someone new shows that you have their best interests at heart, not just yours. You can ask how they are doing but not what they have been up to.
Remember, you are no longer separate from their lives. You don’t call your other friends and ask them what they’re doing unless you want to hang out, do you? End the conversation with, “oh come on I have to go. Got to meet some friends so I’ll talk to you later. This first contact is VERY important because it sets you back on a positive note in your ex’s mind. Then return to the shadows you left. Get back to the gym, hang out with friends, and improve yourself.
I’m going to go backwards on why you should be okay with your ex dating someone new so soon. It has nothing to do with love. Your ex is looking for easy ways to soften the blow of the breakup. Trust me when I say this, no human on earth can move on from a serious relationship in less than a month.
There are people who have gone through countless breakups, so I can’t speak on their behalf. Your ex dating someone new fast can actually increase the chances of the two of you dating again. Here’s why! Your ex can’t date properly when his mind is on you. When you and your ex first started dating, you didn’t always compare him to your previous ex, did you?
You can’t date new people and be successful if you’re constantly being reminded of and comparing your new partner to other people. When relationships fail, your ex will call you for comfort because they already trusted you so rebuilding yourself as a friend will cause this to happen.
Listen to their complaints but once they run out of things to say and start repeating the same things again, that’s your cue to get out of the conversation. It shows that you still care but it’s not your top priority.
If your ex isn’t dating anyone new, move on to the next paragraph. If your ex has found someone new, I have good and bad news for you. It’s not great that your ex might sleep with his new partner, but you’ve trained yourself to let go of your previous relationship so you can handle it.
Remember… you two are not in a relationship so don’t cheat. You can go out and do the same thing but you choose to get your ex back. It’s all part of it if your ex is dating someone new. The good news is that if your ex is dating someone new quickly, the chances of the relationship failing are high.
Figures online suggest a failure rate of around 95%. While they’re dating, here’s what you can do to help drive the process along: nothing but be careful not to avoid your ex. They want to call you for advice on a new relationship. Because you’ve re-established yourself as a quiet friend, they’ll trust you enough to call you. Ignore 1-2 calls and call back at a later time. “Sorry, I’m busy. What is it?”.
Listen and talk for 2-3 minutes, then “Sorry, I have some friends waiting for me. Can we talk about this later?”. You just managed to tell your ex that he or she is no longer a priority.
They will wonder why and it will cause more problems in their current relationship because it will make them panic as to why their new and old relationship is falling apart.
If your ex isn’t dating new people, it’s kind of hard to get back together with them. They’re not in such a panicked state that mind games won’t work. You have to start thinking and looking for answers why you two broke up. If it can be fixed, do it. The hard part is presenting that the problem is fixed in a roundabout way.
You need to do it in an indirect way because it means you are trying too hard to convince them. You can’t convince anyone to be with you! Luckily Facebook was invented. Chances are you two have friends in common and they will be the key to getting you back together.
If your problem is that you don’t have a job, get one! Post on your Facebook. Active on Facebook for about 2 weeks then stopped posting everything. Your ex, if they really loved you, would have a way of gathering information about you. Once they notice that the status updates have stopped, they will wonder where you have gone and start looking for you. Once you get the call, be calm and excited at the same time.
Convey that you’re surprised they called and then you can casually tuck in your accomplishments in a non-boastful way. How did you do that? Assume that your problem is that you are an alcoholic: “Yeah, I’ve stopped drinking. I’ve been clean for a while now. How about you? Everything is going well for you?”. Changing the subject quickly changes the tone from cocky to casual.
Over the next few weeks or however long you can tell your ex more about your life. Every conversation should be kept short and light. Each time the conversation must be ended by you. Don’t bring up heavy stuff from the past—remember, it’s a dead relationship! Keep all conversations positive. Before you know it, the two of you will be back together.
If you don’t get back together, you can still learn a lot from each relationship. Reflect and learn from your mistakes. People don’t leave relationships without a reason. Happy couples will never stray. Don’t play the victim and enter into a new relationship thinking you’ve done nothing wrong or you’ll find yourself in the same position you were before and start hating dating in general.
Hopefully you will learn to be patient which is the most important thing in maintaining a long term relationship. If things aren’t going the way you planned, you need to tell yourself: “Why would I chase someone who doesn’t want me back? I can’t force them to be with me”. Keep telling yourself that and in a few months, you will be fine. Someone new will come and appreciate you.
Failure in any of these areas will make you a memorable one for your partner. If you already do, the chances of you getting back together with your ex are greatly reduced but not hopeless.
If you’re reading this after you’ve done some “hopeless psycho” stuff like showing up at your ex’s house, crying like crazy in front of them, or trying to kill yourself in front of them; the chances of you getting back together with your ex are slim, but you can still read on to help yourself and hopefully learn from the whole experience and not make the same mistake with the next person.
Losing your cool at any moment will work against you.
Feeling the need to FACE them for any reason at this point is prohibited. They are no longer your partner. Confronting them will put you in the shoes of an authoritative figure like a father or a cop. This is a big turn off.
Crying and begging of any kind is a no no.
If you broke up less than 30 days ago, you have a good chance of getting him back. The newer the breakup, the better your chances. There is hope even if it doesn’t look like it. So please don’t beg, it makes you look weak and stupid.
No big moves
We’ve all heard “I can change.” Again, turn it off.